That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
