I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
