awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
