"it" just moved
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
