i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
