just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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