Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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