its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
