wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
