Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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