I am full of burrito and curiosity
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
