I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize