I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
