He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
