So drunk its hurt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
