He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
