Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
