my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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