Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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