I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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