well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's blow job season.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
