Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
