haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
