can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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