well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
