she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
