Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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