Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
