I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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