i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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