i just sent this text using only my big toe
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
