she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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