I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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