you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
