my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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