Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize