Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
