Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize