i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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