its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
