Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
