Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
