I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
