you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
