Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
