Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
