my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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