Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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