I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
