Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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