Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How's work?
Spinning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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