Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
