and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
