I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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