Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (2154)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2893) Bad night (591)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night

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  (301): Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night http://tfl.nu/wbgo
  Replies (15) Good night (4357) Bad night (562)
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  (408): View more from California

  I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.

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  (408): I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing. http://tfl.nu/86sf
  Replies (19) Good night (1352) Bad night (5613)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.

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  (440): Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them. http://tfl.nu/0bl8
  Replies (13) Good night (961) Bad night (4976)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.

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  (806): Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one. http://tfl.nu/nt34
  Replies (4) Good night (3052) Bad night (891)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.

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  (918): See, not all bad decisions involve my penis. http://tfl.nu/lbts
  Replies (5) Good night (2988) Bad night (771)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

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  (352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/mdap
  Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (793)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

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  (561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt
  Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (791)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.

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  (502): The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him. http://tfl.nu/w8du
  Replies (13) Good night (1895) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Things like this can't be explained over text man

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  (678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh
  Replies (22) Good night (4366) Bad night (1112)
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  (530): View more from California

  My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.

  (916): View more from California

  That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.

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  (530): My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo. (916): That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone. http://tfl.nu/d9c7
  Replies (1) Good night (2010) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer

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  (720): That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer http://tfl.nu/lbub
  Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.

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  (719): I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume. http://tfl.nu/djze
  Replies (4) Good night (1033) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.

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  (202): Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that. http://tfl.nu/gtv9
  Replies (2) Good night (541) Bad night (198)

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