Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Um, that's called prostitution

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

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  (917): Um, that's called prostitution (773): Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money http://tfl.nu/jjue
  Replies (4) Good night (2858) Bad night (676)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"

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  (603): i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword" http://tfl.nu/1vn8
  Replies (16) Good night (1475) Bad night (5965)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

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  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6659) Bad night (1373)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...

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  (214): herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina. (1-214): ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname... http://tfl.nu/qpb9
  Replies (19) Good night (2011) Bad night (5026)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.

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  (989): Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me. http://tfl.nu/zahg
  Replies (14) Good night (9157) Bad night (1051)
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  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

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  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8808) Bad night (1477)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3345) Bad night (2135)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

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  (215): I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns. http://tfl.nu/6hbs
  Replies (9) Good night (4319) Bad night (1047)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.

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  (414): I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting. http://tfl.nu/tfdu
  Replies (3) Good night (2566) Bad night (864)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

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  (+44): Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off. http://tfl.nu/7fq9
  Replies (12) Good night (6138) Bad night (1074)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.

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  (647): Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again. http://tfl.nu/40qc
  Replies (5) Good night (598) Bad night (1422)
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  (760): View more from California

  The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter

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  (760): The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter http://tfl.nu/uanv
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (644)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...

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  (208): This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king... http://tfl.nu/nr91
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (403)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.

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  (720): You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work. http://tfl.nu/msxy
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (785)
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  (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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  (845): then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy http://tfl.nu/hfvq
  Replies (3) Good night (949) Bad night (580)

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