if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
