We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks