My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies