Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
