She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
