I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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