sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
