Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
