Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i out mim tonsoeep
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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