You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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