i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
