im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
