I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
